Frustrations and Disappointments

I often reflect upon how the Lord, when He called Father Abraham, simply instructed him, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you" (Gen 12:1b). Notice that the Lord merely said, "Go." He didn't specify how far, or in which direction, or what lay at the end of the road. Such knowledge, then as now, was unnecessary. Faith, and trust in the Lord's providence, was essential. Not only that, but the Lord expects us to cooperate with His grace. Or, as the Chinese proverb goes, "The longest journey still requires the first step."

My own faith journey has taken some unexpected, and at times, disappointing and frustrating turns. This is especially true of my vocational discernment. Marriage or priesthood? Diocesan or religious? Marriage or priesthood (again)? Carmelite or Franciscan or Dominican? And, of course, there's the panic that ensues when one considers, what if it's "none of the above"!

In the midst of this anxiety, I hear a word from the Lord: "Someday, we will look back and laugh, and praise God for our disappointments and frustrations."

In other words, what we perceive today as disappointments and frustrations we may well understand tomorrow as blessings from the Lord. Abraham is a good example; how anxious he must have been when the Lord told him to uproot himself and his family and leave behind everything he had ever known! Of course, the other biblical model is Jesus himself. There is a temptation to read the Gospel accounts of Christ's death and resurrection as if everyone knew the end of the story. But, of course, they didn't. There was very real anxiety amongst the apostles that the mission had failed, that Jesus was another failed Messiah.

But then, that glorious morning when, against all expectations, they found the tomb empty! I rather imagine Jesus sitting there in the tomb, the burial cloths falling off His glorified body, and as He reflects on where He has been, and on the frustrations and disappointments He has known in His life, the Savior laughs.

For those troubled by frustrations and disappointments in their own faith journey (and isn't everybody?), I highly recommend Fr. Timothy Gallagher's excellent synthesis of Ignatian discernment, Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living.